A long term relationship may seem romantic and inspiring, but is it really easy to achieve? In the fast paced world that we live in, finding someone who will truly love us back is a miracle.
But then, are long term relationships too much to ask for? There may be a lot of distractions and new potentials to fall in love with these days.
But if you truly are happy in a relationship with a special someone, you’d involuntarily understand that attractions and desires can crop up all the time, but nothing can ever beat the love and emotional attachment you share with your own lover.
Does it sound too good to be true? Well, it really doesn’t have to.
Almost every relationship has the potential to become a long relationship that can fill your life with happiness.
But it takes the unconditional effort of two unique individuals who truly love each other to create a magical fantasy called a happy long term relationship.
Use these twelve steps to create a long term relationship out of your budding romance.
#1 Build your compatibility
Falling in love may seem spontaneous, but as the relationship grows, you’d start to realize that the spontaneous love starts to flicker and transition into a mature love that’s based on understanding and compatibility. Can you really live with each other? You may have different perspectives and interests, but can you find a way to bring them all under one roof and still live happily?
What may now seem like a minor nuisance can eventually turn into something that can end a relationship.
#2 Never let frustrations and hatred build up
Never ever let a mole hill grow into a mountain. If something about your partner or their behavior disturbs you, learn to say it out immediately. Every time you yell at a partner or find yourself getting frustrated, you have to understand that it doesn’t happen all of a sudden.
Frustrations always build up slowly. What starts off as a little nagging thought slowly builds up over time into hatred and anger. But if you let things build up in your head, your partner would never understand the things that really bother you, until the day you burst out in a rage.
Retaliation and ego are the two traits of humans that surface first when someone makes an accusation. Unless you’re looking for an argument, help you partner understand you better by talking about anything that bothers you, even if it seems trivial at first.
#3 Be truthful and frank with each other
If you want to know how to have a long term relationship, you need to learn to be truthful with each other, be it about a nagging irritation, a fancy sexual fetish or a friendly crush on someone else.
When you’re truthful, it’ll help your partner understand you better and know you better as a person. A little white lie is acceptable especially when the truth would hurt your partner. But if it’s something that can affect your relationship, be truthful even if the truth stings.
#4 Unique strengths that complement each other
As individuals, all of us come with our own strengths and weaknesses. In a potential long term relationship, you need to learn to use your strengths and weaknesses to complement each other and help each other. If you’re an intellectual thinker and your partner’s a smooth talker, don’t get frustrated or egoistic because of the different strengths. Instead, learn to use each other’s strengths to become more efficient.
Codependence is a strength that’s waiting to be harnessed in a long term relationship. Use it, instead of fighting against it and enduring a bad relationship.
#5 Think “we” not “I”
Do you think of your partner each time you’re invited to a party or have to plan an evening? When you’re a couple that’s truly in love with each other, you should think like a couple and keep your partner’s interests in mind just as much as you care about your own interests.
#6 Avoid insecurities
Insecurities crop up when there are doubts. Doubts arise when there are miscommunications and half-truths. Long term relationships are built on truth and trust.
Try to think of your partner as a mortal being, who has feelings and thoughts like anyone else! Most lovers try to imagine their partner to be the perfect character in a fairytale. And when they see a human side in their partner like flirting or getting attracted to someone else, lovers panic.
But really, you do enjoy flirting and you may think someone on the street is gorgeous. Does that mean you’d cheat on your partner? No.
Learn to avoid insecurities by being truthful with each other and helping your partner understand you better.
#7 Trust your instincts
Hunches in a relationship are almost always true. When you think your partner’s bothered or unhappy, big chances are you’re right. If you feel like there’s something wrong in the relationship, there probably is. Trust your instincts and speak to your partner when you feel something in the air. It’ll help create a happier relationship.
#8 Share common values
Experiencing a happy long term relationship takes compatibility, but it also depends a lot on common values, be it spiritual or mental. Infatuation and attraction may bring two dissimilar people together, but first glances and sexual attraction aren’t enough to hold a relationship together.
If you want to have a long term relationship, you need to be willing to compromise and merge your ideas and values together so both of you can look at life with the same perspective and through the same looking glass.
#9 Quality time matters
You may know a lot about each other, but people change all the time. You do and so does your partner. Do you still know your partner well or do you only remember the person you first met? Most lovers take each other for granted, especially when it comes to matters of the mind. Learn to grow together. Exchange ideas and talk about new thoughts.
Spend time together and indulge in activities that can bring both of you together. Sharing hobbies like gardening and chores like cooking can create the perfect atmosphere for new conversations and ideas that can help both of you understand each other better, even if both of you have changed and evolved since the time you first dated.
#10 Experience a good sex life
One of the drawbacks of long term relationships is the effort it takes to enjoy a pleasurable sex life. But it doesn’t always have to be that way. Try to keep sex exciting and fresh by creating new ways to reignite the passion, even if a few of the thoughts are taboo or frowned upon by many others. After all, if it makes you and your partner happy, why care about what others think?